where i am: work
my energy: chill, but my back is hurting me today (injured in yoga...!)
my plans: new year's eve, hangin' w/bobby & simone, party hopping manhattan-williamsburg
last web site remembered: my blog, the equinox web site- chi-chi gym i'm checking out today
fun things today: nothing yet. i'm tired of my back hurting.
last interesting convo: my conversation with h was really inspiring. i was telling him that i feel frustrated because i am not really using my brain and talents as much as i know i can. he made an interesting point, that my strength is organizing. he's right, in a way, though i felt that leading was really difficult. i am a really good administrator, good at keeping multiple tasks going. i feel like he is such a genius because he is always thinking and coming up with really great logical arguments on a variety of topics. it's hard, except for certain topics, for me to get really deep unless i'm constantly being stimulated. after reading more political writings i've become a bit more knowledgeable. but i realized in our talk that i have not really applied or questioned some basic theories & principles, such as the inverse balance of equality and liberty (h's paper), while i'm reading. h really challenges me in this way and it is so great. i wish he was in nyc. need more friends like this who are as bright as he is.
another thing is i feel like i am getting really slow and turpid in my thinking. doing the same things over and over in the working world- although my present job is more challenging than in the past- is making me feel stupid. i miss school and the challenge of grasping at concepts all day. it's hard to motivate when you're on your own instead of in a class.
i think the gym thing has been an analogy for my life, and i didn't realize it til now. (before, my knitting hobby was serving as something to ponder). i had this conversation with the trainer who worked with me yesterday (i joined nysc on saturday, and cutting off from crunch) how it's hard to motivate to work when you're on your own instead of on team or some sport when a coach or teacher is expecting it, counting on it. i told him that i discovered a physical high; the first time was after my first yoga class, then my first chiropractor visit, my first shiatsu massage, then my first fruit/vegetables breakfast (i've only recently started buying & eating them in the morning! been a bagel/meat/cheese person for so long). after that all i want to do is get that again. health is a great high. and i have to take care of my back too. i will lose a few pounds and tone without trying, my body reacts so fast to consistent exercise.
maybe i will find this intellectually. the mind-body connection is more profound than i realized.
last inspired by: when i told h about how smart i think he was and how i felt i was becoming slow, he said that we just have different strengths- each person has a role and they help each other. he said i help him when i talk with him for hours, he forms the logic for his arguments by remembering conversations.