i started writing this blog because i wanted to see the patterns of my head over the course of a year. i know i was going in with structure, became more comfortable with being looser, even writing stream of consciousness, but then went back to a strict structure again before i just exploded.

some fucked up dreams i've had
1. i dreamt that Dank and some others i know were on TV. i remember thinking that it must have become really easy to get on TV. then i was in my bathroom in the apartment. the door was closed and i tried to turn the doorknob but it wouldn't budge. i kept trying and it still wouldn't budge. so i calmed myself down and thought about what i could do. then i tried again and felt myself slowly start to panic. i felt trapped, like the walls were closing in on me.
2. last night, i dreamt i was in a little black box with the walls closing in on me. i actually woke up to blackness (my bedroom is very dark) and really couldn't breathe! it was freaky. i tripped over the headboard and jumped toward the door. i was relieved to get some air. i climbed back into bed. j doesn't remember and thinks i dreamt it all, but i didn't. i know i woke up.
3. b said i should tell nr about something i told him - why can't i REMEMBER?