Exam hell - Orgo 1

3 dreams:
1. Mom and I were in a new beautiful house with incredible moldings in the ceiling. But there was some type of leak that was spreading from the upper floors, leaving a liquid brown trail. We sat looking up at the beautiful moldings and I told mom, good thing we have those really nice ceiling moldings. The leak was hidden behind them.
2. B&b model project opened a branch in the ghetto, to help out the neighborhood and market themselves. They asked the ghetto kids to help them promote. One of the girls said, "no way!! am I going to do that!"
3. I was standing in my bathroom with Brad and I was telling him how I had a revelation that really helped me understand the conservative/neocon point of view. He nodded though a bit skeptically.
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These dreams came after I finished hell week. Earlier in the week I had more dreams where I was doing a chick who came up to me at a conference. She lived in a commune and had to kick 16 people out of her room. So I brought her to my studio but the landlord had been working on my door locks but they were even more busted with only a piece of wood on the door that didn't hold it shut. Dr R thinks that dream is about pleasing my mom. That's what I think about when going through this med school hell, is making my mom happy. It's a bigger part of it all then I care to admit.

Perhaps the leak, the B&b promotion, and my realization about neocons are all the same thing... the doubts, persuading myself to think and do things that are not necessarily what I want, at least not 100%. The drive and dream to get into med school and become a physician is now a bigger % mine than before, but perhaps it's still only a fraction, maybe 50 or 60%, of it all. People are skeptical.

Gary and B and rationalization

B told me that his boyfriend, Gary, got married to their friend
upstairs, who had already been married before. When I expressed
confusion about the scenario, B assured me that it was okay but it
obviously seemed like rationalization, intellectualization. I felt
frustrated and sad for B.
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H had challenged me last night about my actions with d this past
weekend (Halloween, we played after I didn't speak with him for 2
weeks). He said I was rationalizing; it's easy to be deceived. I don't
think I am. But the most helpful thing was 1) he also challenged me to
think "why am I doing this" for every action and 2) d's friend bry
said in general you have to listen to your heart esp when u r highly
intellectual. jade says the same thing.