I was at a Xmas party hosted by B. and their family. I was trying to fit in as J. was feeling jealous and wierd with me. My job was to put up one wall of Xmas lights against the ceiling - the other 3 walls were done. I tried to put a set of lights up that matched, but they totally mismatched and blinked in a clashing pattern. I went to the bathroom to fix my makeup. The bathroom was a public bathroom. Nikki was there covered in the ladies' sanitary bin trash. She looked so cute, like uh oh I'm going to get into trouble. Then I was bringing Nikki to church with my mom and dad. I only wanted to bring her because they said dogs were welcome. We had to go down a very crowded hallway, lots of people. I had to pull a little on her leash because she was all tremblina and scared. I decided it would be best to leave with her, and she was very relieved by that.
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Been having second thoughts about going back to move to MD and whether I would really fit in. I left because that area was too conservative for me, and thought I've changed and grown enough to handle it better, but during Xmas I found that was totally not the case.
Saturday, January 10, 2009
Friday, January 02, 2009
Old woman dreams
1. Dec 08 -- I was talking with a young woman in the street. Suddenly she disappeared and her sister appeared, looking for her. We entered an apartment and found her, but now she was an older woman. It turned out she was not a ghost but someone living in another dimension. We were in an amazing apartment, beautifully appointed. But she was running from something that was chasing her. We got in a SUV and she had a crew of tough dread guys in the back. A grungy goth chick broke into the car as we were driving and I knew she was evil and had something scary and wrong with her. The dread guy struggled with her as he tried to push her out of the car.
2. 1/2/08 -- I was in charge of helping a very sick older woman travel home by plane. I was part of a team of doctors who was to ensure she and another patient stayed hooked up to machines. The other patient was a young woman who was easy to care for, very obedient. But the older woman refused to stay hooked up and tore the machines off, and wandered around, ranting at those who were trying to take care of her. When we landed, her family, who was also resistant, were there. The older lady complained to the doctor that she felt a burning in her crotch. The doctor said that complaint was so overused and was nothing. I told the doctor with urgency that we really needed to talk to the family to make sure they ensured the older lady got treatment, but the doctor shrugged and refused to do anything. I gathered the family together to talk to them, and motioned the doctor to come over but she would not.
Worried about getting older; struggling with "evil Minda" named by dave and mom; soul searching; move to Walden.
2. 1/2/08 -- I was in charge of helping a very sick older woman travel home by plane. I was part of a team of doctors who was to ensure she and another patient stayed hooked up to machines. The other patient was a young woman who was easy to care for, very obedient. But the older woman refused to stay hooked up and tore the machines off, and wandered around, ranting at those who were trying to take care of her. When we landed, her family, who was also resistant, were there. The older lady complained to the doctor that she felt a burning in her crotch. The doctor said that complaint was so overused and was nothing. I told the doctor with urgency that we really needed to talk to the family to make sure they ensured the older lady got treatment, but the doctor shrugged and refused to do anything. I gathered the family together to talk to them, and motioned the doctor to come over but she would not.
Worried about getting older; struggling with "evil Minda" named by dave and mom; soul searching; move to Walden.