i felt silly explaining this one to dave in the morning.
hanging out with christian who was cool, complaining about stupid christian bullshit
first at an outdoor event, then it was a wedding. charlotte from sex and the city was the bride. christian complained about how stupid weddings are, too much money and stress, etc. charlotte agreed with the stress. i gave her a massage.
then i was in the ocean. on a cruise. i am swimming in the ocean next to the ship. it abandons us. the scene changes again, but i am swimming with other people. the ship abandons us once more. i can see me and the other person, figuring out what we should do, as we float out there in the middle of the ocean.
then it's amber's wedding. she's wearing a brown cardigan and a bridal veil. we make fun of the wedding some more, dancing on tables and stuff.
the christian and i are now in nyc, it's right after 9/11 or some disaster and people are walking in single file to the train because of whatever dangerous situation that had been created. we pass a lot of people to get to the subway entrance.
Tuesday, November 22, 2005
Monday, November 21, 2005
anniversary dreams
our one-year commitment anniversary was this weekend. i've been helping dave with getting a job, and also seeing dr. r again. i read an article about a girl with eating disorders and an object relations analysis of her case for bobby's class. it was very enlightening to think about how the mother and father, and their troubled relationship, worked to create conflict and anxiety in the girl.
dream 1.
i was driving in a car along the subway lines in queens with dave in the back and someone else in the front. we were trying to reach marie, dave's boss, to tell her something. (dave also dreamt he was telling marie about what she's really like, how annoying and controlling she is.) there was an earlier dream but i forgot what it was.
dream 2.
i had a boyfriend who i really liked, but was kind of young. he had an older brother who looked exactly like him who kept hitting on me. because they looked so much alike it almost felt like it might make no difference if i went for him instead. the difference between the was my boyfriend was sort of wimpy and young. but i was definitely not going for the older guy. then it turned out the boyfriend was a scientologist. i went to a meeting with him and everyone started fellowshipping afterwards. the boyfriend had no idea how annoyed i was, espcially about waiting for him so we could go home.
i went downstairs and on the way tried to call dave, but i got the wrong Dave, who aske me if I would describe myself so he could figure out who i was. i just hung up on him and i went through my cell address book to try and call the real dave. the call didn't happen. so when i got downstairs, i started gathering leftover desserts and surreptitiously giving away all these books they gave me. he finally came down, and it was hinted he would reach the upper levels already, called the "life cycles." all these icoc people were there who were also scientologists and they were ooh aahing when this senior person told the boyfriend that "one day" he would be in the life cycles.
then i saw this guy from my job who i really like, but he had MS and was walking around in crutches looking gangly and horrible. i gave him a big hug, and when he went somewhere else to hug people i cried and sobbed. meanwhile the boyfriend was still clueless about what i had seen and tried to comfort me. i was so MAD that he was a scientologist, and was relieved to see my real boyfriend dave, the atheist, waking me up. i told him i was so HAPPY he wasn't a scientologist !!
dream 1.
i was driving in a car along the subway lines in queens with dave in the back and someone else in the front. we were trying to reach marie, dave's boss, to tell her something. (dave also dreamt he was telling marie about what she's really like, how annoying and controlling she is.) there was an earlier dream but i forgot what it was.
dream 2.
i had a boyfriend who i really liked, but was kind of young. he had an older brother who looked exactly like him who kept hitting on me. because they looked so much alike it almost felt like it might make no difference if i went for him instead. the difference between the was my boyfriend was sort of wimpy and young. but i was definitely not going for the older guy. then it turned out the boyfriend was a scientologist. i went to a meeting with him and everyone started fellowshipping afterwards. the boyfriend had no idea how annoyed i was, espcially about waiting for him so we could go home.
i went downstairs and on the way tried to call dave, but i got the wrong Dave, who aske me if I would describe myself so he could figure out who i was. i just hung up on him and i went through my cell address book to try and call the real dave. the call didn't happen. so when i got downstairs, i started gathering leftover desserts and surreptitiously giving away all these books they gave me. he finally came down, and it was hinted he would reach the upper levels already, called the "life cycles." all these icoc people were there who were also scientologists and they were ooh aahing when this senior person told the boyfriend that "one day" he would be in the life cycles.
then i saw this guy from my job who i really like, but he had MS and was walking around in crutches looking gangly and horrible. i gave him a big hug, and when he went somewhere else to hug people i cried and sobbed. meanwhile the boyfriend was still clueless about what i had seen and tried to comfort me. i was so MAD that he was a scientologist, and was relieved to see my real boyfriend dave, the atheist, waking me up. i told him i was so HAPPY he wasn't a scientologist !!
Saturday, November 19, 2005
recurring attack in dream
my social anxiety disorder ... dave and i were at a dinner last night where i felt like i looked shy and dumb. he said i see myself wrong, that i sound brilliant and ask wonderful questions and listen well also. it's our anniversary today. :)
FBI or Charlie manson-like followers surround our house (the one on barnwood). The back door is open, the garage door is open, and I'm trying to close both. I also try to dial 911 but it doesnt work.
This time, mom's in the kitchen and I ask her to close the backdoor and garage. I see people through the back windows. She's making food and doesn't believe me. I do try to do it all myself. The garage door is closing but people are able to get underneath. I realize in the dream that I don't have any weapons, so I go back into the dream with machine guns. But all I can do is shoot around them, I can't shoot them except maybe to hit someone's arm or foot.
---
I was working for an elementary school as some type of teacher/administrator, and I had a rebellious brother who I had to give a job. He had a huge monstrous fire-power type car that he parked outside the school. So his job was to watch these two girls after school. I asked the girls to tell me if he is ever inappropriate or weird. Sure enough, they tell me he spoke sexually with them. So I tried to find a private room for us to talk about and document the incident, but there were classes, teachers' lounges, etc. only filled with people, no empty rooms. Finally we did find a room and then I woke up.
FBI or Charlie manson-like followers surround our house (the one on barnwood). The back door is open, the garage door is open, and I'm trying to close both. I also try to dial 911 but it doesnt work.
This time, mom's in the kitchen and I ask her to close the backdoor and garage. I see people through the back windows. She's making food and doesn't believe me. I do try to do it all myself. The garage door is closing but people are able to get underneath. I realize in the dream that I don't have any weapons, so I go back into the dream with machine guns. But all I can do is shoot around them, I can't shoot them except maybe to hit someone's arm or foot.
---
I was working for an elementary school as some type of teacher/administrator, and I had a rebellious brother who I had to give a job. He had a huge monstrous fire-power type car that he parked outside the school. So his job was to watch these two girls after school. I asked the girls to tell me if he is ever inappropriate or weird. Sure enough, they tell me he spoke sexually with them. So I tried to find a private room for us to talk about and document the incident, but there were classes, teachers' lounges, etc. only filled with people, no empty rooms. Finally we did find a room and then I woke up.