Antarctica IT project

I was worried. Someone had somehow managed to wrangle all of our equipment up there into a network that worked, wirelessly! And I was wondering where it was all set up: On a trailer, on top of the ice? Don't we need a ship of some kind... the ice is melting up there! 
Received a text from the person who did it, saying he'd be happy to provide details on how it was done. That's perfect.

(I woke up to look for the text... it felt that real)

--Dream communication with the love of my life, G. Dec 2019--

These cards came up during Thanksgiving.

 

I'm communicating with you here. And I will speak to you in our dreams.

We have always communicated this way, but I had not met you yet on earth. Now we have.
But instead of wondering where you are, I feel and love you here.
You, who are in such turmoil that you cannot communicate and love me, like you did for 8 months.

And when we have finally met -- after missing each other a millenia -- you cannot be with me.

After resisting for 3 more months, I am accepting the divine will.
I truly miss you.
I truly love you.

He

Many past worlds have we lived.
Revelation leaks through a moment between breaths
An empty moment
A blank context
Middle of night, focused on creation
of this world.

But recognition comes rushing in
with no clear trigger
but a naked, empty
breath

Seven years ago I met Jonathan
Seven hundred millennia ago we met
Before this planet had language
Speaking in images
and feelings

The beginning of earth
Beginning of human
A spark of creation
and twinkle of
an eye

Recorded in a feeling
of connection.

Stories for Stephen

#2

I got "punk" when I realized it sounded exactly like what was in my head. Even more when my mouth moved to speak what was in my mind, versus what I thought they wanted me to say. I didn't "get" it when Pali wanted me to stop dressing like a "prep." That it was "cool." I didn't want to be "cool," I wanted to be me. To be the truth I felt and saw. "Cool" just seemed contrived.

Then I remember Chris, my first "boyfriend" who I never even held hands with, explaining straight edge to me. How people didn't drink or smoke, and hated it like I did. And they were into truth- hardcore. Then he sent me a mix of bad brains, minor threat, black flag- bands with harsh names that, when I actually listened had the beat of my own heart - of love under indignance, anger that was justified and expressed its truth and reached out for community. Oh that beat.

I realized I was already "cool."

I've been through several cycles of this too. Each time has been like the beautiful burning sun growing brighter than I already thought it was.

Jonathan has a blog http://arttherapyfaces.com

Stories for Stephen

#1

I live in Potomac.

When triggered, the house alarm echoes through the entire neighborhood. The living room’s doors let in light from the yard, and were all hot.  Found the cold one – a ticket to endless night.

Rob parked his sexy sexy motorbike like a Fuck you.

Right by the driveway - Mom could see it after waking from one of her nightmares. In the darkness I whispered, beckoned and he squinted, tracked me. From the television to the cloaked guest room, we duck under the laser beam.  Yes, the basement was hot too. I’m not supposed touch this polish punk warmth cradling me in his blue eyes.

Then there was poetic Dan.

He was in steady pursuit of my thoughts. Cuddling with words and anticipation of an empty night, we filled up with local angled color. The DC punk industrial renaissance: Purple bangs and mohawks jump and stab the curtains at 9:30 Club, at Tracks. Yet home for him was poetry; smells, tastes of Brazil on glass tabletops in a DC townhome. The smell of the elderly. He was the much youngest of 3 sons.

He joined me in Manhattan; his mother bought a studio in midtown. At Columbia we found sex could be thundering chaotic joy and also ebb like poetry to sad and flat. I found him and another Barnard women caressing under stark fluorescent dorm lights. Shocked as an innocent, yet stoic - like Joan of Arc I informed him what I stood for – faith - and that we were done. And, may have hepatitis, thanks to Rob.

As he sobbed with fear and yet begged me to come back, I tested clean.

I don’t remember what happened to Dan. All I know is he dropped out and moved back to Brazil, a schizophrenic spirit-filled mutterer.

I don’t know where Rob is. He visited me at Columbia,

then stopped once I converted to Christianity.

Minana was always my private "dream" blog. Reading it again, I see streams of consciousness.

Workman-like descriptions of absurd, illusory dreams. Visual, rapid depictions of emotions triggered by friends, family & boyfriends; interpretations of events.

This is why I keep separate blogs. To maintain written clarity midst the firehose of life's sensations.

A look back. My blogging history

(Stephen, this post is for you, as you're the only person I know who has blogged since the early/mid 90s besides me.)

This is emblematic of the "partnership" I feel with Stephen that I've had with no other 'real' boyfriend. After reading his organized, archived blogs that date way back, he's inspired me.

A brief history:

• Heard my first "internet connection" briefly via phone dialing to another computer at Brandi's dad's computer. Fourth grade, 1984.
• Discovered the internet via email, IRC and Gopher on Columbia U's Unix back in 1992. Created my first personal web site on Unix, which also contained my first blog posts. 
• Argued about Christianity & religion on IRC, as I'd converted via ICOC in my sophomore year. Transferred the personal web site to Geocities.com, but lost it + the blog when Geocities shut down in 2009 :(
• Obsessed with my first blog - a crazy teenage chick who whined about high school and wrestled her own domain from her mother - while I was working at NYU Med Center (1997-8). Started debating about religion on delphiforums.com, where I made my first online only friends at ICC Discussion Forum.
• First online dates happened around 2002 after I broke up with Jay. Began with an UWS dating coffee shop that had binders with profiles, which transitioned online. Joined Nerve+Lava Life, later OKCupid when Nerve shut down; then the apps came along (Tinder, Hinge, the League). Never met a real boyfriend online (until recently)!
• Started an anti-ICOC blog in 2002, when the church started falling apart, summarizing some of the Delphi discussion. (Actually made money off it with Google Adwords!) 
• Joined Friendster which I was obsessed with til it shut down. Then MySpace, then Facebook in 2003, where I found old Harvard friends.
• Facebook became an obsession when it took off.  Still is. Joined Twitter in 2009. 
• Not counting Facebook and Twitter, total of 11 blogs. 
• CU Unix>Geocities personal site/blog (now defunct) 1994-2009
• Minana 2002
• ICOC Blogspot 2003
• Artistic, liberal Tablangs only 2004
• NYC Noise 2005
• Tablang Family Blog 2011
• Time Out Project (formerly Education/Healthcare Reform blog) 2012
• Thoughts, suspended 2012
• Uberlyft blog 2015
• Peakfoqus blog 2015
• Medium 2015
• I'll be online a while. There it is, in one place. Thanks Stephen :)

I haven't remembered any significant dreams since May 2011

When I had my accident. Nothing lucid.

Will begin documenting again now with the gathering of angels.

Driving through fields. Arrive at masions to meet w. Ppl.
Subway exit ppl waiting for elevator while I head for stairs. Cabs wait.
Grandiosity? Real book.

The super opened both of our doors so I could get more heat into my apartment. I was emb bc I was in bed under the covers w. No clothes but he was a gentleman.

We were at d's acr, in the bathroom. D said he wanted to go to my apt. He started gathering stuff to bring over. It hadn't dawned on me that he really wanted to do it and def not at that moment. I asked what he was doing and he said me that we really were going to head over. ( is this dream based on a wish, or on intuition?)

Realization that I don't think much about pleasure.

Asked mom to throw Xmas party so I could invite b: and have real bonding among our friends. chem as presents

The aerosols- name of the band

1. Mercedes
2. Eating ch withb mom
3. Free concert, dad, jj. Get tix later Robert, girl get tix
4, north Carolina cottage jj terrifies remembers name. Bathro finding tix in dads vest, woman waiting to use
6. Back with Robert to office to meet fam. Lobby entrance has elevator.

3 dreams. 1 twin.
1. At a conference, I take a homely servant down to the hotel basement for some action. When I came back up, the hotel mgr demanded I pay for a room and a guest fee.
D: He dreams we are in a house and he's telling me about a hot chick. I have a servant summon her. I ask the girl questions, and don't like how the servant is talking and I put my finger to my lips.
2. Dr L. starting to make the moves in me in front of other people. We are sitting in a circle with one other person, a man.

Twin dreams

Twin dreams with D today:

1) D dreamt he was at the house he where grew up in Ohio, with me and a cute black and white, medium size dog (buddy??). There were dominatrixes in the house too,
running an S&M business. He was upset with them and wanted them to leave, because he was afraid they would let the dog out. I was a dominatrix too but not with them. I wasn't doing dominatrix stuff during the dream. (When I asked him what he thought it was about, and he said he didn't know and wondered what I thought. I asked what he thought again, and he said maybe that he likes dogs because the dog was there. (that dog is very representative of his wanting relationships.)

2) I dreamt that we were at a house, staying with a bunch of people, and my brother was there too. We were sitting together in a room, talking about all kinds of things and reminiscing. Then Dan had to go to school (we were all Columbia U students) and he put on a white wool jacket to go. I was sad and missed him because we were just
starting to prepare a party and he wasn't there. A bunch of dominatrix-like girls were preparing the bbq, and I got annoyed because one of them brought the outdoor cleaning broom/bin inside to the kitchen. In the midst of organizing the BBQ, they decided to move it to the front yard.
----
New relationship issues... D told me that he doesn't want me to assume we'll hang every Saturday, because he's afraid of routine and getting bored. He also he fears being alone, yet is so comfortable being alone, so he needs a lot of space. I get so mad but then he's so happy when I've given him space, and I like being around him when he's happy. Ugh. Relationships.

Exam hell - Orgo 1

3 dreams:
1. Mom and I were in a new beautiful house with incredible moldings in the ceiling. But there was some type of leak that was spreading from the upper floors, leaving a liquid brown trail. We sat looking up at the beautiful moldings and I told mom, good thing we have those really nice ceiling moldings. The leak was hidden behind them.
2. B&b model project opened a branch in the ghetto, to help out the neighborhood and market themselves. They asked the ghetto kids to help them promote. One of the girls said, "no way!! am I going to do that!"
3. I was standing in my bathroom with Brad and I was telling him how I had a revelation that really helped me understand the conservative/neocon point of view. He nodded though a bit skeptically.
----------------
These dreams came after I finished hell week. Earlier in the week I had more dreams where I was doing a chick who came up to me at a conference. She lived in a commune and had to kick 16 people out of her room. So I brought her to my studio but the landlord had been working on my door locks but they were even more busted with only a piece of wood on the door that didn't hold it shut. Dr R thinks that dream is about pleasing my mom. That's what I think about when going through this med school hell, is making my mom happy. It's a bigger part of it all then I care to admit.

Perhaps the leak, the B&b promotion, and my realization about neocons are all the same thing... the doubts, persuading myself to think and do things that are not necessarily what I want, at least not 100%. The drive and dream to get into med school and become a physician is now a bigger % mine than before, but perhaps it's still only a fraction, maybe 50 or 60%, of it all. People are skeptical.

Gary and B and rationalization

B told me that his boyfriend, Gary, got married to their friend
upstairs, who had already been married before. When I expressed
confusion about the scenario, B assured me that it was okay but it
obviously seemed like rationalization, intellectualization. I felt
frustrated and sad for B.
----
H had challenged me last night about my actions with d this past
weekend (Halloween, we played after I didn't speak with him for 2
weeks). He said I was rationalizing; it's easy to be deceived. I don't
think I am. But the most helpful thing was 1) he also challenged me to
think "why am I doing this" for every action and 2) d's friend bry
said in general you have to listen to your heart esp when u r highly
intellectual. jade says the same thing.