#2
I got "punk" when I realized it sounded exactly like what was in my head. Even more when my mouth moved to speak what was in my mind, versus what I thought they wanted me to say. I didn't "get" it when Pali wanted me to stop dressing like a "prep." That it was "cool." I didn't want to be "cool," I wanted to be me. To be the truth I felt and saw. "Cool" just seemed contrived.
Then I remember Chris, my first "boyfriend" who I never even held hands with, explaining straight edge to me. How people didn't drink or smoke, and hated it like I did. And they were into truth- hardcore. Then he sent me a mix of bad brains, minor threat, black flag- bands with harsh names that, when I actually listened had the beat of my own heart - of love under indignance, anger that was justified and expressed its truth and reached out for community. Oh that beat.
I realized I was already "cool."
I've been through several cycles of this too. Each time has been like the beautiful burning sun growing brighter than I already thought it was.
