after an amazing night of hearing philosophy debate between the history giant hernan, julio and dave... with whom, i now realize, i am fully and completely falling ridiculously hard in love with... and yet i get this bugging feeling that maybe i'm not ready, it's too fast, though a few months ago i felt totally ready to be in a relationship again. we were up all night talking, and all that echoed in my mind was: i love you. i love you. i love you.
oh love, i have finally found you. crazy but sane.
we are exclusive... still, i'm terrified...
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i'm at jay's place, some apt i've never seen. we're also walking through some streets... he is telling me about two girls he dated other than the rebound girlfriend, women he had never mentioned before. i kept asking him to repeat detais because i couldn't get them straight. all along i was thinking of telling him about dave my new boyfriend, but i still felt hesitant to tell him, same feeling i get now. i felt the same non-attraction but caring feeling i have for jay in real life.
he had a dog and he said, remember how i used to keep him locked in the room when we were doing it? and i said, well with my boyfriend dave, nikki can wander and it's fine! i looked at the dog, who's brown & black like nikki but a different breed... like a poodle/barney dog (monie's old dog). he's lying on the ground, looking up at me.
Monday, November 29, 2004
Wednesday, November 17, 2004
fear, relief, love
knowing how tech savvy dave is, he's probably found my blog.
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he said i have lucy liu eyes...
you stand there,
leaves falling behind,
as if holding me
up against the sky -
though you are twenty feet away
with the dogs and their autumn freedom
crunching all around us,
i could hear you breathing.
i am falling
into that longing
in your eyes.
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i have never felt like i was falling so hard. please let this not be an illusion. please let it be real, let it stand the test of some time, let it become clear because i feel like i have found...
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he said i have lucy liu eyes...
you stand there,
leaves falling behind,
as if holding me
up against the sky -
though you are twenty feet away
with the dogs and their autumn freedom
crunching all around us,
i could hear you breathing.
i am falling
into that longing
in your eyes.
----------------------------
i have never felt like i was falling so hard. please let this not be an illusion. please let it be real, let it stand the test of some time, let it become clear because i feel like i have found...
Tuesday, November 16, 2004
Tons of dates and uncertainty later...
Inspired by my film project, by intakes at WSI... falling for, yet uncertain about DM after about 8 dates though he seems to really dig me... setting up other dates but feeling ambivalent...
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I was trying to get to the airport for my flight to the Philippines. Mom said she could drive me, but only took me as far as Astor Place then went home. I was fine at first, until I found I could not get any cabs. I was incredibly pissed at Mom. So I started to walk and around 3rd Ave a ghetto ass station wagon cab pulled up. It was maroon and this derelict was driving it. The back seat was covered w/mold. I got in anyway. So we're driving and I think we're going the wrong way... we end up in some suburban neighborhood. I'm incredibly pissed off and start yelling at the driver. Then I look at the meter and it says $195 and going up. It's only a $20 trip! So I start freaking out and want to get out - maybe I can call a cab from one of these homes.
Miraculously, another cab drives and people get out. I grab my stuff out of the trunk and put it in the other car, cursing out the first cab driver and refusing to give him any money. I finally get to the airport... on time for my flight!
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I was trying to get to the airport for my flight to the Philippines. Mom said she could drive me, but only took me as far as Astor Place then went home. I was fine at first, until I found I could not get any cabs. I was incredibly pissed at Mom. So I started to walk and around 3rd Ave a ghetto ass station wagon cab pulled up. It was maroon and this derelict was driving it. The back seat was covered w/mold. I got in anyway. So we're driving and I think we're going the wrong way... we end up in some suburban neighborhood. I'm incredibly pissed off and start yelling at the driver. Then I look at the meter and it says $195 and going up. It's only a $20 trip! So I start freaking out and want to get out - maybe I can call a cab from one of these homes.
Miraculously, another cab drives and people get out. I grab my stuff out of the trunk and put it in the other car, cursing out the first cab driver and refusing to give him any money. I finally get to the airport... on time for my flight!